Pam’s Blog

So this week I went back to the gym after for the first time after my ankle/foot/leg surgery. 

As per my doctor and physical therapists orders I am taking things nice and slow. I am only doing weight machines that involve my upper body - mostly arms and abs. I am walking - very slowly - on the treadmill and I am riding the exercise bike. 

It isn’t much - but I have to say it feels good to move again.

My goal is to get to the gym 4 times a week between now and when we leave for MD.  Then again when we get home.  If I can go to the gym when we get home. 

If we make one set of decisions the gym will be nothing but a memory.

I have to admit I am a little nervous about the future right now. I have no idea what is going to happen and if I think about it too much I get really, well,  I’m not sure what the right word is.   But I hope that Jason and I will have wisdom to make the right decision. 

God I’m scared.  Yeah that’s the word I’m looking for - scared…..

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In thirty days we are going to Maryland - just the kids and I - Jason will be taking a pass on this trip.  He doesn’t really have enough leave from work yet and airline tickets are pricey.

I am very excited - there is so much cool stuff going on while we are visiting.  I am going to get to go to the ocean and eat crabs and see my grandmother. 

I’m a little nervous too though about three weeks alone with the kids, and I seriously expect I am going to come home exhausted and totally ready for school to start…with over a month before it does.

I also suspect I am going to be desperate to see Jason by the time we get home.  This will be the longest I have been away from him since we got married 14 years ago.  I have to admit I am bummed he isn’t coming. I really thought that he would be able to come for a week while we are there and I was really looking forward to hanging out with all our friends together and visiting his family with him.

Had I known he really wouldn’t be able to come I probably would only have planned to stay 10 to 14 days instead of 21, but I thought that he would be with us for a week of it.  The idea of being alone with the kids for 21 days is intimidating.  The idea of being without my best friend for 21 days is terrifying. 

At the same time - I am so excited to see all my friends and family in MD.  There are so many people I want to spend time with and so much I want to do while we are there.  Three weeks hardly seems like enough time.

Anyway 30 days to go and we will be in MD - YAY!!!

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The house across the street from us just went up for sale. Less then an hour ago. 

I cannot tell you how much I am currently coveting that house. Yeah yeah - it’s a christianese word - but in this case it fits.

The house is 1,000 sq ft bigger then them one we live in now - has 4 bedrooms, 3.75 bathrooms, a REAL dining room - one where we could put our actual dining room table and seat our entire family around it, and a two car garage.  It isn’t beautiful, but, it is big.

I wish we could buy it. 

Unfortunately we cannot. Just too much money.

It seems so perfect though - exactly where we want to live, down to the neighborhood, the right size - right number of bedrooms, perfect.

Except, well, we don’t NEED it.  I should be content where we are.  This house is fine for us. We have three bedrooms and two bathrooms, exactly what we need.

Sometimes it feels a little small.  And yeah our entire family can’t sit at our dining room table at the same time.  And the basement is unfinished giving it spider issues, and…

No I need to stop. NOW.  Our house is fine. It meets out needs keeps us warm at night and has everything we require.  Every time I get upset I need to think about the people who live in Nickelsville in there pink tents, without a shower or indoor plumbing. I have to remind myself that just because I think I need something that doesn’t mean I do.

We have so much more than so many and today I need to consciously remind myself of that. Being grateful is sometimes a choice.  So today I am grateful for this house that God gave us. It has been so perfect and wonderful for us for the past two years, and will continue to be for the next two years.  The location couldn’t be better, the landlord is good and when it’s a clear day we can watch the sun set over the Olympic mountains.  God gave us all this and we never even saw it until after we signed the lease and moved across the country.

Thank you God for our wonderful home.

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Went to the doctor today - all excited hoping he would tell me I could drive and walk and be you know human again.

Uh-huh - nope - it was not to be.

In fact instead he told me I had pushed myself to hard, overdone it.  The tendons in my ankle are inflamed, and there not suppose to be.  So for the next 5-7 days instead of moving forward I am moving back. 

Back from one crutch to two crutches, back from moving around freely to being confined to the sitting with my foot up for “most” of the day. 

And no driving for me…

I promised myself that if I was going to have this surgery I was going to do EVERYTHING in my power to recover from it the right way so I could have a full and complete recovery. In the past week I have been over doing it.   I need to relax and let myself heal.

So, I am going to take a step back - know my limits and be patient.  I might have set my recovery behind a week or so, but I haven’t blown it out of the water and I won’t.

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That’s the way healing goes, slowly but surely - at least for me.

I went to the doctors for my four week follow up today and it was a good visit. The doctor said I can start bearing weight today - about 25% for today and tomorrow, then if that isn’t painful I can go up to 50% for a few days  then 75% then eventually 100%. He said it could take up to 10 days to be walking fully without the crutches. 

Still….

I JUST WALKED ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM!!!!!!! Very slowly with the help of two crutches - but I did it!!!!

I also have to keep the walking to a minimum and move slowly - no sprints or even long distance walks - but I can walk around my house.

You can’t hear me but I am singing the Hallelujah chorus right now.

No driving yet so still pretty much stuck in the house since I am not ready to do hills yet. However I can go to the gym if someone (like my hubby) drives me - I can do upper body exercise and even ride the exercise bike - WITH MY BOOT ON - not riding the bike without the book and absolutely NO OTHER LEG exercise for that my right leg - he was pretty clear on that. 

Overall it was a great doctors visit and I am very excited about all the things I get to do and how much more movement I will be able to incorporate into my life over the next two weeks.

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So the kids and I are visiting MD this summer - weather or not Jason is coming  is still up in the air. 

While I would like him to join us it is not an absolute necessity.

The truth is he and I have very different views on visiting MD.  I cannot wait to go back, there are so many people I want to see and so many things I want to do.  I am planing to be back for three weeks and hoping I can squeeze everything into that time.

The hardest thing is Jason has asked - and argued - and logically pointed out - that this will have to be our last trip to MD for a while.  In fact until 2012.

I have to admit it hurts me just to say that.  Two and a half years is such a long time to be away from so many people I love. 

In fact trips back to MD have become one of the few things Jason and I fight about.  I wish I could go “Back East” every year, and several of my good friends out here who are from the East Coast do - it seems so unfair that I am the only one who doesn’t get to go back.

But the truth is our financial system just doesn’t allow it. So as hard as it is for me to face the truth I have to - our trip this summer will be the last until the summer of 2012.

Until then all of you - my friends and family have an open standing invitation to come and visit us in Seattle - We don’t have a ton of room but we will make it work if you come!!! 

I miss you all and love you… and I cannot wait to see and hang out with you this summer - 20 full days in MD….  I am so looking forward to the sun and the warmth and all the familiar faces. 

Start looking for e-mails over the next few days/weeks setting up times and dates to hang out with us. 

Love you all.

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In honor of her birthday here is my list of ten or so of Jason and I’s favorite things about Willoweve…

This is of course not an exhaustive list.  There are so very many things to love about Willoweve also this list is in no particular order.

1) Her imagination - Willoweve puts my imagination to shame and that takes some work. 

2) The child is beyond lovely.  I love her curls and her bright blue eyes. I know every parent thinks there child is beautiful but she really is.  Take a look:

3) She loves pink - I swear before Willoweve was born I could count the pink things in our house on one hand - now - uhm - well… yeah I don’t think I could count them.

4) Willoweve is resilient and determined.  She doesn’t quit and she doesn’t let setbacks stop her. 

5) She loves Horses - no elaboration needed.

6) She isn’t a morning person - like her daddy - she would rather stay up late at night then get up early in the morning.  Most days I have to wake her up - which I get to do by going into her room and snuggling her awake.

7) She says the most amazing things.  For example the other day we are in the car and she brought like five stuffed cats with her.  When I laughingly ask her about them she says, in a matter of fact voice and with a casual shrug. “I just feel comfortable around kitty’s.”  Uhm…. ok… I was laughing to hard to really reply to this.

She loves her friends and she wants to make them happy.  She would go out of her way to make her friends happy.

8.5) She is a princess.  She wants to act like a princess and dress like a princess… she does a pretty good job of it most of the time too.  Like when I hear her ordering her brothers about when they are “helping” her clean her room.  To solve that problem we had to ban her brothers from helping her… they weren’t to devastated.

9) She’s just a little shy of people she doesn’t know.  She gets over it pretty quick though - especially if she has something to talk to them about. And she really does love to talk - amazing for a little girl who did two and a half years of speech therapy. 

9.5) She gives great hugs. 

10) Willoweve is caring, companionate and smart.   She loves to play with others and also craves her own personal space and distance from others.  She is a great deal like Jason and at the same time so very much like me.  In many ways of our three children I would say she is the one who blends the two of us the most.  Willoweve is going to grow up to be an amazing, strong, and loving woman who will touch the world and change it for the better.

To summarize Willoweve is a wonderful person.

Happy Birthday Willoweve - Daddy and I love you so much and we are honored to be your parents.

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It’s march and it is going to be a crazy month. 

Thursday is Willoweve’s birthday - Friday is Jason’s.  Then the 11th I will be having surgery on my foot.

Then I will have as my doctor puts it - Two weeks of being completely useless. Then two weeks of being ALMOST completely useless.

March is also Rachel, Amy, and Deb’s birthday as well.  Apparently I get along well with people who were born in March

Happy Birthday everyone.

To all my friends - If you live in the area please stop by and visit me this month while I am laying around being useless. I am sure I will need all the company I can get.

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In honor of his birthday here is my list of ten or so of Jason and I’s favorite things about Xavier…

This is of course not an exhaustive list.  There are so very many things to love about Xavier also this list is in no particular order.

1) The freckles across the bridge of his nose and over his cheeks.  So adorable, they remind me that he is still just a little boy - even if he is almost as tall as me.

2) I love that he looks so much like Jason and is so proud of that.  I love that he wants to be like Jason when he grows up.  And he is just so handsome with the hazel eyes, brown hair and Mediterranean skin.  In a few years he is going to be a heartbreaker.

3) Xavier LOVES people. He has never met a stranger and he is kind to everyone around him.  He has loved people since he was a baby and he is the very definition of an extravert

4) Xavier is SO SMART.  I mean really intelligent.  He could be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer.  He is just really bright.

5) He still loved to snuggle and still lets me hug and kiss him in front of his friends.

6) He likes to read comic books and draw comic books, he loves to read and be read to in general!

7) He’s creative - give the child Lego’s or Knex’s and he can build anything.  He can create things I look at and go - “how the heck?” He is very creative with his ability to build, create and draw.

8)  He is very responsible and companionite especially with younger children.  He takes care of them and watches out for them and includes them in his games.

8.5) I love that he looks like Jason but loves lists, and schedules like me.  He might not look at all like me but he’s still mine.

9) Xavier likes school, he likes his classes, loves his friends and just in general likes to be at school.  It is nice to have a child who genuinely enjoys going to school every day.

9.5) Curiosity - Xavier wants to know and understand everything around him.  He is full of questions - sometimes really hard ones like “Is magic real?”  Other times really easy ones like “What’s in sushi?” or wait - is that one of the hard ones?

10) He is sweet, kind, caring, and intelligent.  Xavier has a heart of gold - he never wants to hurt anyone and will go out of his way to help others.  He has a beautiful personality.  He is always learning and growing and I cannot wait to see the man God grows him into.

Overall Xavier is just a wonderful person.

Xavier - Mommy and Daddy adore you - happy birthday.

Xavier with Grandma Mac at one month old.

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So today I went to the Podiatrist and talked about surgery.

NOTE *** Below is my understanding of what is going to happen based on what I have learned from my doctor and research on the Internet.  I am NOT a doctor so don’t take this as Gospel - just a layman’s understanding. ***

They will be doing three procedures when I have surgery.

#1 Repairing the torn Paroneal tendon (caution - yucky pictures) in my ankle.

#2 Removing the damaged area of the Plantar Fascia ( I have been getting treatment for 7 months now) in my heal.

#3 Lengthen my calf muscle. (I haven’t been able find any information on this on the Internet - but today is the first time we talked about it so I will keep looking.)

So all three of these procedures should work together to provide relief from the pain in my ankle and heal, the doctor said they have about a 95% success rate for those who follow the recovery plan.

Why all three?

–Well see, when you have plantar Fascitis it can be caused by a tightening or shortening of the calf muscle.  So even if you repair the Fascia but don’t fix the calf it can come back.  Pain in the Plantar Fascia can cause you to walk incorrectly which in turn leads to damage to the ankle tendon.

So

- if you don’t fix the calf then the heal pain can return

- and if you don’t fix the heal then the ankle can be redamaged

- and if you don’t fix the ankle then it keeps hurting and gets more and more damaged and hard to repair.

What exactly is recovery for this surgery:

- 4 weeks on crutches - no weight bearing on my left foot.

- then 4 weeks in a boot cast.

- So 8 weeks no driving.

After that it will be 6-9 months before the ankle is fully recovered. I need to talk to the doctor further about what my physical activity can and should look like during this period.  I assume it will be somewhat limited though.

I should be having this surgery sometime in the next six weeks - AFTER Disney. I really don’t want to wait much longer because my ankle is starting to become painful again during every day activities like Driving.

I  plan to be a perfect patient and follow all the directions for recovering from this surgery.  I don’t want to be in pain forever and I don’t want to have to have another surgery down the line to fix something I screwed up by not following directions. 

And oh yeah - the surgery costs between $8,000 and $10,000 dollars.  To which I can only say HOLY CRAP!!!

So that is where things stand right now.  Hopefully we can get everything (like insurance and childcare) worked out and ready by the time I have the surgery.

My only question now - When does life get LESS complicated?

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