Difficult decision
Trust me when I say difficult I mean heart wrenching. Yet good.
The decision, to be content with what I have and not to constantly be looking to the future for more.
Yeah ok, I hear ya, how is that difficult or heart wrenching?
Well, when it has to do with motherhood it can be. Today Jason and I decided not to actively pursue having more children. This means we will not be pursuing adoption.
What it doesn’t mean, well, it does not mean we are not open to possibilities. If God brings another child into our lives we will welcome them into our family with open arms and open hearts. However we are not going to pursue that end.
I know this surprises a lot of people who knew I really wanted to pursue adoption and to whom I have told repeatedly we plan to pursue adoption. However God and I have talked about this a great deal and I feel firmly that this is the right decision for our family.
The fact is I have the three most wonderful kids in the entire world. I mean seriously. They really couldn’t get any better then they are. How can I mess with perfection?
Also in truth we cannot afford another child. I know there are people out there that will argue this. Like Eugene says many a Sunday – I’m going to get e-mails. The fact is I want to be able to be responsible for my children and provide for them, food clothing and heat are always good things. Lets face it feeding three growing kids is pricey. Clothing them too.
Most importantly though, God and I have talked about this a lot. I really don’t get a clear “you must/must not” do this answer in my prayer life regarding this issue.
What I do get is the message that God wants me to be the best mother possible to the children I have. I don’t see that as a no, but I do see it as a principal I need to live by.
See part of the reason I want to adopt is because I love being mom. I love my kids. Yeah sometimes they drive me nuts and sometimes I think I must be insane…well just because. Through it all though, I love being a mom and I love my kids.
I already am mom though, and I need to be content being mom to my three wonderful children. They are each special and unique. Each one is a precious gift. Instead of spending hours drooling over adoption web site and thinking about a new baby I should be living life with my kids. Being the best possible mother to my kids, the ones I have now.
In a way this relates to the money thing too. If I cannot responsibly afford them then it would be a lack of wisdom to have more and it would not make me a good example to the children I have.
So no more active pursuit of adoption. God may still give us another child, but I am going to let that be His call. Not mine. After all isn’t that how is should be?
It’s a good decision, even if it was hard to make. Now I am going to stop babbling about it and go be a good mom to the kids I have. Today we’re all dragons and I am the momma dragon. So I have gotten to ROAR a lot today.
1 Comment »
One Response to “Difficult decision”
amy on 02 Nov 2007 at 8:42 pm #
I COMPLETELY understand, I so could have written this exact post, maybe not as well as a great writer as yourself (
) but nonetheless, same basic points and all. There are days I know deep down I may even birth another child from my body, God only knows how possible that is and I know that the balls in his court. Dean has said before we cant afford another child and its probably true, so we are behind you 100% yet I know if it were me I would still be grieving a bit, and if so know I feel your pain in this decision. Playing dragons sounds like fun! yesterday on the way home from picking up caleb and the neighbors son we pretended our van was a submarine, and boy was it fun!! have a good book to recommend to you , when it’s not so late….